I posted awhile back about fatigue. Well, that was fibro fatigue. This week Ihave been feeling the full effect of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and it blows my regular fatigue out of the water. When my rheumy mentioned that the 2 issues go hand in hand I wondered how I would know the difference; now I know. CFS has a different feel to it, the fatigue has a different quality about it. This has been a new experience for me and so the learning curve affects both my husband and myself.
I asked a chronic pain friend for help explaining to Obi-John what I've been feeling. She immediately replied with an analogy using Han Solo and carbonite. This works well for the "unrefreshing sleep" aspect of CFS because were I to be encased in carbonite for a week I would still feel sleepy when rescued. I'm used to feeling tired physically and maybe sleepy in the evening. I'm even used to struggling to wake up many mornings. But the sensation of being so sleepy that driving to work and making it through a half day there is unusual.
I've decided that the best way to describe this past week is that it's been like wearing an elephant on my back. A ninja elephant. It attacked suddenly and without warning on the way to work one morning. I felt pretty good when I got in the car with my coffee and my tunes. My drive is about 30 minutes and by the time I got to work I could barely stand. I almost fell getting out of my van. I trudged into work and got winded from the effort. I did as much desk work as I could. I had to support myself on the counters to walk around when I came out of the office. I moved like a turtle through molasses. Fortunately, I only had to work until 2 that day. I went home, crawled into my bed, and fell asleep.
That was the worst day by far, but my friend, the ninja elephant, has been riding piggyback since then. I've napped a couple more days and spent as much time resting as possible. I feel like I'm letting my family down but they've been pretty understanding so far. My patience is thin and my temper is quick. My muscles are tied into achy knots and my joints throb periodically. Going to bed early doesn't seem to help. I went and had a 90-minute massage this afternoon and the masseuse said my muscles are pretty high on the ridiculous scale. She did a lot of good, though, I feel. Maybe the elephant went on a diet because he seems a little lighter than before.
Like I said before, this experience has been a new one for me. I've been researching more about CFS and I have learned some interesting things. Muscle pain and weakness, joint aches, and food sensitivities have all shown to be connected to the syndrome. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I feel good to know that my other symptoms are part of the same issue and not a bunch of other, separate issues. Phew! But that means that CFS is a really nasty customer. Like wearing an elephant backpack isn't bad enough.
I haven't found any magical beans or other amazing cures so I suppose I have to ride this out until my pachyderm friend is ready to leave. I'm hoping that he does. I am holding out hope that this is not my new normal. If it is I will find a way to cope, after tears, anger, and the other kaleidoscope of emotions that come with chronic issues. For now, I'm watching Big Red and Monkey practice their jiu jitsu. Gentle hugs from a very sleepy fellow FibroMIGHT.
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